As many of you already know Michael is in the US Air Force and for the first 8 years of our marriage we lived away from home. (Maryland (2 yrs) -> Mississippi (1.5 yrs) -> Arkansas (6 months) -> Germany (4 yrs)) and in a crazy turn of events we got to come home for the last 3 years. Each move has been bittersweet for sure, but leaving here feels a bit more bitter, and a lot less sweet. That said, we came here knowing it was temporary so we leave feeling like we “stole” these last 3 years home. (By that I mean: there was never a reason we should have been stationed in this area of Georgia- the only Air Force Base is a reserve base and Michael is active Duty. But… God did the impossible and brought us home)

About to board the plane to move from Germany -> Atlanta (2020)

We have had 3 wonderful years home near both of our families. Not without hardship (mainly: Michael’s back pain and recurring unresolved issues) but my goodness, it’s been a sweet time full of making memories. We moved her from overseas, while pregnant with Andy and building a house, during which we lived with family, and Michael was starting a totally new job (from flying planes to being a PhD student.) Crazy doesn’t even BEGIN to describe it. But here we are, 3 years later, ready to say goodbye.

I started the post to share some of what we did and ate and explored during our time in Texas, but I think I would like to share 5 things I have learned as a military spouse instead. This seems fitting as we gear up for another move and I hope it can do one of two things: either continue to share the story of the families of those who serve for those who don’t know or understand much about the military life and also encourage other wives and mamas who are going through a tough season in their military walk. I knew I was signing up to marry a man committed to (but not yet serving in) the Air Force when I said yes, and while I have ZERO regrets, I absolutely did not know what I was signing up for.

So here are the 5 things I have learned about moving (PCS- Permanent Change of Station) as a military spouse, I hope it speaks to someone else out there going through the thick of a PCS as I am. You aren’t in the trenches alone.

1. Nothing is set in stone and everything changes… and probably changes again. I cannot even begin to list the number of things that have been “signed, sealed and delivered” and then up and changed on us, sometimes at the last minute. If you are on the outside looking in, you might think the military member, or their spouse, is confused, disorganized, or changed their mind a lot. The more likely case: things have been changed on THEM, they are confused (but not because they aren’t staying on top of things) and no matter how organized you are, you cannot plan for every possible outcome all the time: disorganization happens. Or maybe you are wondering why your good friends didn’t update you. It’s not you… it’s the Air Force and the ever evolving mist of a future we look towards. Sharing when things feel unresolved can be tough, and I have been guilty of forgetting who I have filled in on the latest and who I haven’t. Thank you to all those friends who have been patient, who have checked in regularly, and who have graciously prayed for us even when you weren’t even sure what we needed.

2. You never get what you don’t ask for. This is a life lesson really, but it definitely applies for the military. Caveat: the tough thing about the military is that you cannot always jump rank to get an answer and you CAN hurt a relationship or blemish a reputation by not being strategic in who and how you ask. With all that said, we would not be in Georgia right now if Michael had not asked some questions! Can I apply again? Yes. Can the deadline be extended? Yes. Is there funding at that school that is not on the list? Yes. Can I postopone my PT test because my back is injured? Yes. Will I be able to fly again? Yes. (There is a waiver for that. Make that 2.1: there is a waiver for everything. Don’t let technicalities stop you from doing anything until you have asked if there is a waiver) Is there a job opening in Arkansas because there isn’t one listed online? Yes. Can we go back to Germany? No. Can I bring my dog to JMAT Requal? No.

Sometimes, you really just gotta ask the question. Don’t be shy either. Military spouses: ask other military spouses! I cannot tell you how much information I have gleaned from other spouses that I would have THOUGHT should have come from Michael’s leadership but alas… spouse network got us the answers we needed or at least on the right track.

3. Your new best friend is right around the corner. Don’t lose hope and don’t forget: she is likely looking for you too. (3.2: PRAY for that friendship! God want’s you in community!) I have had some of my loneliest days right after moving somewhere new. There is lots to do to get settled but then once you do…. Crickets. Yes, family and maybe even friends will come visit but you need community on the ground where you are at, for the day to day. Yes its HARD and FRUSTRATING to make new friends when you have plenty of them in 5 different states and 2 different countries but you gotta dig in and find that community that will go to the park for play dates, have you over for dinner, meet you at bible study, watch your kids when you have an appointment, share their babysitter list with you, help you find a good car repair shop, cry with you when your husband is deployed and bring you meals when your new baby is born. But here is the thing: your friends are (most likely) not going to knock on your door and introduce themselves. You have to get involved, find a church or club to be a part of, make cookies for your neighbors and generally put yourself out there… IN PERSON. Social media is great for connecting but fostering true friendship takes face to face. Make that lunch date- you will be so happy you did!

4. It’s okay to say it’s hard. It’s also okay to accept help. I remember people saying to me before we left for our first assignment “if anyone can be a military spouse you can! You are so resilient and make friends so easily!” – they meant it as a compliment and it was! But I was also confused when I felt lonely. Felt like I couldn’t share that the move overseas was crippling and sparked anxiety in me I had never felt before. I wrote a blog post about it because I knew from the outside looking in it seemed like we had it all together and were footloose and fancy free trying new foods and enjoying the views and traveling every weekend but inside I was scared and lonely and homesick. I got an overwhelming response of “are you OKAY?!?” because it was the first they had heard me say to the contrary of the sunny life they saw on social media. So now: I am more open and honest. Leaving GA will literally rip out my heart. It will be SO hard. But that community I was just talking about? They are there to help! Don’t rob people of the opportunity to SERVE you! You never know what joy it might bring an empty nester neighbor to watch your kids for an afternoon while you pack stuff up. Or the mama friend who is always cooking delicious meals for her family to double a recipe and bring you some while your husband is on a TDY. Or maybe that single friend without kids that is willing to brave the chick fil a play place so your kids can play and yall can sit and just CHAT for a few minutes. Your community is there to help you, just like you are there for them when they need it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Because…

Moving is a LOT of stress- so many things to take care of before you go and once you get there. Yes the military physically comes and packs up your stuff, but you have to sell your home, close out utilities, change your address (over and over and over), find a new home, get rid of stuff that won’t fit in your new home, find the new furniture you need, find a new job, school, pediatrician, hair stylist, chiropractor, library, grocery store, playground, counselor, dermatologist, veterinarian, doctor… and all of that is hard. But, this is what else I know…

5. God is in control! Yep, the creator of the heavens and the earth. The good, good father who also created YOU- he is in control. He has a plan for your life. He has called you to your spouse and your spouse to a career serving our country and there is no mistake in that. And so while it may feel frustrating and tedious and hard and sad… there is HOPE. Hope in the ability to turn to God for help. To reply on him and fully surrender to his plan for you. For his will to be done. This is the only thing that can bring true peace in the chaos. Joy in the change. Sometimes with all the crazy that gets thrown our way it’s easy to think the Air Force is the one calling the shots. But ultimately, surrendering to God’s will to be done is the ultimate demonstration of our faith. I pray hard for the ability to do this, and hope you do too!

In honor of our upcoming PCS, here are a few photos from our previous move from Germany —> Atlanta